Blissful In Searchmont

My name is Carolyn, and I have "Barnheart"

What is Barnheart? Well, let's let Jenna explain...

Barnheart is that sudden overcast feeling that hits you while at work or in the middle of the grocery store checkout line. It’s unequivocally knowing you want to be a farmer — and for whatever personal circumstances — cannot be one just yet. So there you are, heartsick and confused in the passing lane, wondering why you cannot stop thinking about heritage livestock and electric fences.

Yup. That's me. I drool over seed catalogues for fun. I read homesteading books on a busy city bus. I daydream about being able to grow vegetables that are the earliest, most productive, most odd colored, and so on. I constantly gnash my teeth that I live in an apartment building, on the shaded side with a northern exposure.

I would like to make my own cheese, and then have the option of smoking it in a smoker.

I would like to be able to sell seedlings that came from seed I collected from plants I grew the year before.

I would like to have even just 2 acres of even halfway decent soil, be allowed to have a composter and a rain barrel, maybe a few chickens, and grow all kinds of things.

But I can't. Not here anyway.

So instead of giving into despair, my partner and I came up with a plan.

Under advisement from dear friends and family, we assessed what we'd need to live where we wanted.

With the help and support of family (they know who they are), we can see how we're going to get there.

Now, as our ten year old son will attest to, I like to have a plan. I am known for having backups, and then having backups for my backups.

Plan A ~ Move to Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario.Get a house with a yard, even just to rent, get a job. Grow as much as we can while still leaving some yard for the dogs.

Plan B ~ Move to Searchmont, Ontario, while looking for a job and home with a yard. Live with the folks while the big search is on. Help them with their garden, expand Mom's small scale selling operation, which includes baked goods, seedlings and knitted wear.

Neither plan is perfect, both involve sacrifice and hard work.

But I have to tell you, life in Searchmont with the family I've been missing keenly appeals so much, it makes me wonder if barnheart can be painful.

In Searchmont, I won't have a barn, but it's as close to a real farm as I can ever see me having.

And right now, I would be blissful in Searchmont.

Btw, the picture back at the beginning of this post is our Tiny Tim tomato seedlings!

Day 40 and still growing!