When Did I Grow Up?

I hardly know where to begin tonight, so much has flitted through my mind lately. This is flu season, and I've done my share, thank you. I've already had it. At first, we thought it was a chest cold, but in mere hours, I felt worse. I started feeling bad at supper one night, but by bedtime I felt horrible. Shandon had already had this, so I knew what was coming, I thought. I got it worse. Yay, me. Anyway, I ended up taking two days off work, sleeping and feverish. It took two weeks to get over the bug and get my energy back. This was only one reminder that I am no longer young.
Lately, I've also noticed quite a few more grey hairs upstairs. No more the scattered few over my ears, now I have a prolific bunch on top as well. And as much as I know I could dye them, I really don't want to. I feel as though they are a badge almost. Not of honor, but a sign that I'm an adult now, you know? I don't suppose you'll understand unless you're over the age of 40 yourself.
This has been a cool, wet fall that fairly raced into winter-like weather, complete with hail yesterday and snow for my parents! My knees object to it, they don't like winter, they don't like cold. I have very opinionated knees.
Yet another sign I am no longer young.
The most alarming sign yet though was a very long conversation with my mother the other night.
We got to exchanging news. She told me the favorite house I lived in up there (on my own) burned to the ground. She told me most of the town is working again, and she brought me up to date on the new store and her knitting projects. And then she off-handedly mentioned she was two years aways from retirement.
"Wait, back that up?" I said, hardly believing what my brain had told me it heard.
"Kid, I'm 63 now, remember? I have white hair. You're 40. You didn't expect me to stay 36 forever, did you?"
I was speechless.
For years, when people asked how old my mother was, I told them she was 36. Not out of stupidity or a desire to keep her young, just for me, she stopped aging at 36. One day, I assumed she must be close to 45, so that became her magic number. Then 50.
And now I am forced to admit that my mother is 63.

This opened a whole new can of kickass.
Now I am forced to admit that time is screaming ahead, never mind crawling. I am forced to admit that my parents are aging, and I am more ill-prepared to help them financially then ever before. I always thought I was going to send them a little something every pay, but now I can barely make ends meet here in my own little world.Thoughts of my parents mortality flit through my mind before I can chase them away, and I can't help but wonder how they are really doing when they aren't on the phone for an hour with me.
And I wonder when this all happened.
When did I grow up and get old?

Knit two, purl four, carry the one, divide by pi, square root…

So much to do, too damn much work.

Work truly gets in the way of enjoying myself. I stayed up and on Second Life till after 2 am last night talking with my sister/friend Chate, about the book we're collaborating on. We're both very excited about it. It's a fantasy/futuristic tale that holds a lot of promise, we think, to be an epic. So, we were hashing out details while floating in a pond in Second Life. Very soothing...waterfalls, the loon, the company of a friend....ahhhhhhhhh. That's George the therapy bunny and I hanging out, enjoying the fall colours at a friend's place.

So I started another pair of socks yesterday on the bus ride into work. You should have seen the looks I was getting as people realized I had more than two needles! This is the easy part, the leg. When I get down to the heel, I will have to leave this sock at home until I get past the complicated stuff, and into the foot. Once I get to the foot, I can take it back on the bus again and do the mindless knitting. This sock is in Bernat Cashmere, in a cancelled colourway, "Ocean". I'm thinking these will go to Braydon. I'm noticing more and more demand for warm socks. Debra wants some, the boys need some, Betty and I always need more, and now a co-worker who runs a shop wants some for her store! If I could just make at least $9.00 an hour off of them, I could quit my job!

So the yellow baby blanket is nearly done. I am working on the last seed stitched edge, then I have to wash it and block it in the hopes it will lay somewhat flat. I'll be glad when I can finally pass it on. I have been working on it so long, I'm nearly sick of that shade of yellow. And then I think I'll be knitting nothing but scarves for the homeless and socks! I may need some more size 3 and 4 four-set-needles.

Wonder if I could talk Betty into picking me up a set of 3's the next time she's in Walmart?

Second Life

My real life has never been boring. Ever.

Why then, did I get hooked on an online universe called Second Life? I'm not sure how it happened, other than, it was fun.

It is not a game, in the traditional sense. it is similar to Sims, but with more interaction and better graphics. it is user created, with more options than I'm sure you want to hear about.

Anyway, my point is that I've made some interesting associations in Second Life (also known as SL)

I have made acquaintances, and friends, and we even have a home in SL now. We have had a couple, actually. Right now we are living in a region owned by a friend. We have a large skybox that resembles a castle. It has more room than we know how to use at the moment! Below that, about 600 meters below, we have a park-like area, with a library. Next to that piece of land, we went in on another piece of land with some friends. That's a picture of it off to the left there. Well, a part of it. Off to the right of the waterfalls is a tipi and stone ring we use for seating around a fire. It has become quite the social gathering area. In the pond you see, there is a loon that swims, floats and dives, as well as sing his loon song. Below the water is a Mermaid gazebo and garden, and a few fish. It is all very peaceful and pretty.

Very relaxing.

Later on, I'll tell you a bit more about our Second Life.

Peace, Love and Yellow-ness

Remember last entry I went on about my new Mac computer? That wasn't enough geekiness for this family. We had to go out and buy an iPod.

I got to pick the colour, a small thing, but I was impressed. (It's deep purple, just so you know) So now I'm an avid listener of podcasts.

I have a few faves so far. On the knitting front, I have developed a strong affinity for Cast On, and the voice of Brenda Dayne. She has a soothing, melodic quality to her voice; instantly soothing and welcoming. (Actually, I think I mentioned this before) She has inspired me to pick up knitting that sometimes sits ignored. The yellow baby blanket, actually. It's difficult to ignore a project, even though it is destined to be a huge mass of yellow-ness totaling hundreds of stitches, when listening to a woman who has knit many, many sweaters!

The baby blanket I've gone on about, from time to time has changed intended recipients, because in part I knit so slowly and because the universe just kind of slants me one way or the other, and I believe that the universe has "tilted" me away from the blanket's first intended recipient.

Sound obscure?

Bear with me for a moment.

The other night, as I was putting my boys to bed, one of my sons asked me about fate. The context of his question seemed ridiculous in the moment, but it got me wondering about what goes on in his head. Why would a 13 year old be asking about fate? 

I answered his question, and he realized that I believe in a combination of fate and free will. 

I was raised on traditional Ojibway teachings, and a lot of that is still with me, but I also believe in a few other teachings that are very organic. I do believe that our souls go to another place when our bodies pass. In this place, I think each of our souls determines what it wants to learn next, through experiences and significant associations our bodies are going to make with other people. I also believe that we choose the families we will be born into, as a way of learning through experience. While each of us learns something different from our friendships, arguments and conflicts with significant people in our lives, we contribute something to them as well.

And so I believe that certain people come into our lives for a reason.

By extension, I think the yellow baby blanket was intended for someone other than who I thought.

A convoluted way of getting to my point, I know, but I hope it was a little clearer than mud.

This blanket has always been intended to bring warmth, and caring, and good wishes for the baby, no matter which baby that is. Kind of like a prayer shawl. Are you familiar with these? While knitting or crocheting a shawl, a prayer is said or good wishes whispered. There is no hard and fast rule about how one puts these prayers (or wishes if one is not "religious"), the point is to create with love and harmony in your heart. Some folks put on soft music, or inspirational tunes, light incense... whatever brings them to a place that allows them to create in the right frame of mind. A lot of knitting groups are creating these shawls for folks that are suffering from disease or suffering through the loss of a loved one. They are beautiful in their intent.

It was this kind of project that I had in mind when I started the baby blanket. Something peaceful and beautiful that would love some of me behind.

Like I Needed Another Obsession?

I'm going to take a break from knitting  a cute little hat in green and white, for a friend of a friend, to  blather on about the newest thing in my life. Tax season is easy  at our house, and for almost a whole year we plan how best to spend it. This year, Betty talked me into spending part of the return on a new computer for this desk. My desk, but since everyone uses the 'pooter it doesn't really feel like mine alone.

Anyway, I've been lusting after a Mac for a few years now. A friend of ours has a couple out west, and I've always heard such good things about them that I am naturally drawn to play with one whenever we go to Best Buy. This year, at last, I had the opportunity to buy one.

So I did. An iMac that just barely fit within the overhang of my desk. I won't bore you  with technical, geeky details, but allow me just a moment or two to effuse about how sleek and modern it looks. 

It is beauty within a square. It has some killer curves and it's.... slim!

And the things it does....omg. I have never seen my photos this clear! 

I have a new obsession.

Podcasts.

I thought the Yarn Harlot had a podcast, so I went looking last night. No luck, but I did find Cast On, and instantly fell  for Brenda Dayne's voice. Listening to her is like sitting down with an old friend and visiting while you knit. I listened to four of her podcast installments, and the only reason I stopped was the fact that I was tired!

You should really check it out. Seriously.

I haven't gotten a whole lot of knitting done lately. It's all been about work. 10-12 hours a day. There's a lot of pressure to get the store and my books up to snuff, and this is the only way I know how to do it... for now. Oh, I want to knit. I have the baby blanket I'm still working on, and the little hat I mentioned before is for a friend of Tammy's. I'd be tickled if I could knit at work, but I can't see that happening. someone would piss me off and I'd run them through with a knitting needle.

I wonder if that would constitute  a charge of assault with a deadly weapon?

Reflective Socks

It seems I'm smitten with socks these days.
The one you see to the left is Shandon's sock, knitted with Bernat Satin, in the "surf" colorway. It's super soft, and I figured since Mom had gifted me with so many balls, I'd do something useful with them.
So the question is, will I finish the pair before he outgrows them?
It was quite a shock to realize he fit my socks, so I made it easier on myself and knit to fit me.

His 13th birthday is in just five days, and I was sitting here this morning wondering where those 13 years went. I remember well the storm that hit Sault Ste. Marie, Ont. the night he was born. I remember craving pizza, and my friend who braved the storm to get me one; only to prove the nurses right and throw it all up a short while later.
What a waste! I remember not being able to breastfeed and yet, wanting to very badly. I remember how he never quite took to a soother and the pine green bunting bag that my mother made him.
I also remember how small he seemed in it.
And here we are, 13 years later, trying to find a way for a 13 year old to make his way in an ever-changing world; with me wanting to keep him close, and him wanting to hurry up and be a teenager.

Where did the time go?

Throw Another Log On The Fire!!

Baby, it's cold out there!
I worry about the homeless and wild animals at this time of year. (Can't you just see deer eating with wheat coloured scarves wrapped around their necks?)
Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yes, the cold.
I just saw a report on a polar bear summit where someone had decided 2008 was one of the warmest in ten years. Well, 2009 seems to be trying to make up for it's predecessor's failings!
I was so cold yesterday while walking to the bank that I had to take my glasses off because the cold beating off them was making my eyeballs hurt! (My eyes were the only exposed part of my body)
So I only go outside to catch the bus to work, or home, and to go to the bank for work. Normally, it doesn't feel too bad. I've been wearing microfiber long underwear every day this season, I have a long, very warm coat that many laugh at, until it gets cold and I am warmer than they are, and I have great mitts. I look dorky, but I won't get frostbite!
Except for my eyeballs.

So I've been doing a lot of knitting this winter.
I've picked up the yellow baby's blanket again.










I've been knitting two different socks at once, a pair for Shandon and another for Betty, with Bernat's new sock yarn in "Hot Tamale", which doesn't fit the yarn at all.
(Pictures to follow)
And I finished Braydon's mitts. Just in time to realize he needs a new cap because his head is outgrowing the red one I made for him.

I need to quit my job. It's interferring with my knitting.