Blissful In Searchmont

My name is Carolyn, and I have "Barnheart"

What is Barnheart? Well, let's let Jenna explain...

Barnheart is that sudden overcast feeling that hits you while at work or in the middle of the grocery store checkout line. It’s unequivocally knowing you want to be a farmer — and for whatever personal circumstances — cannot be one just yet. So there you are, heartsick and confused in the passing lane, wondering why you cannot stop thinking about heritage livestock and electric fences.

Yup. That's me. I drool over seed catalogues for fun. I read homesteading books on a busy city bus. I daydream about being able to grow vegetables that are the earliest, most productive, most odd colored, and so on. I constantly gnash my teeth that I live in an apartment building, on the shaded side with a northern exposure.

I would like to make my own cheese, and then have the option of smoking it in a smoker.

I would like to be able to sell seedlings that came from seed I collected from plants I grew the year before.

I would like to have even just 2 acres of even halfway decent soil, be allowed to have a composter and a rain barrel, maybe a few chickens, and grow all kinds of things.

But I can't. Not here anyway.

So instead of giving into despair, my partner and I came up with a plan.

Under advisement from dear friends and family, we assessed what we'd need to live where we wanted.

With the help and support of family (they know who they are), we can see how we're going to get there.

Now, as our ten year old son will attest to, I like to have a plan. I am known for having backups, and then having backups for my backups.

Plan A ~ Move to Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario.Get a house with a yard, even just to rent, get a job. Grow as much as we can while still leaving some yard for the dogs.

Plan B ~ Move to Searchmont, Ontario, while looking for a job and home with a yard. Live with the folks while the big search is on. Help them with their garden, expand Mom's small scale selling operation, which includes baked goods, seedlings and knitted wear.

Neither plan is perfect, both involve sacrifice and hard work.

But I have to tell you, life in Searchmont with the family I've been missing keenly appeals so much, it makes me wonder if barnheart can be painful.

In Searchmont, I won't have a barn, but it's as close to a real farm as I can ever see me having.

And right now, I would be blissful in Searchmont.

Btw, the picture back at the beginning of this post is our Tiny Tim tomato seedlings!

Day 40 and still growing!

In The Interest of Education

Now I'm not saying we're all going to need this info because of floating nuclear material from Japan, but, there are folks concerned about radiation exposure from x-rays and the like.
So in the interest of education, I pass along the following...


SURVIVING RADIATION THE WISE WOMAN WAY
~2002, Susun S Weed


We are adapted to survive mild exposures to radiation. After all, the sun is a kind of controlled nuclear bomb and it releases a lot of radiation. Of course, this radiation, and man-made radiation, can also cause cancer and a host of short- and long-term health problems.

Whether you are worried about the radiation from dental x-rays, a mammogram, or fallout, here are some Wise Woman Ways to help you stay healthy.

~ Japanese researchers found that diets high in carotenes significantly reduced DNA damage in humans exposed to radiation. Supplements of beta-carotene (or of vitamins C or E) did not show this effect. Eating lots of orange and dark green foods (sweet potatoes, winter squash, beets, carrots, kale, collards, chard, and spinach, for example) can protect you from radiation-induced cancers.

~ Envision yourself and all your cells protected from damage. (One woman wrapped herself in psychic lead.)

~ Guinea pigs bombarded with radiation lived a lot longer if they ate broccoli or cabbage. All cabbage family plants - including arugula, turnips, radishes, cauliflower, mustard greens, bok choy, Brussels sprouts, broccoli d'rappe, kale, collards, and of course broccoli - protect your cells from the damaging effects of radiation.

~ Choose an image, an icon, something meaningful to you, as a focusing agent. Put your affirmations, blessings, prayers, visualizations, and healing love into it, for easy access when you need help.

~ Miso broth is the classic food for prevention of radiation damage. There’s twice the protection if a quarter-ounce/5 grams of dried kelp seaweed is added to the soup. In scientific studies, seaweed was able to neutralize radioactive isotopes in the human body. Researchers at McGill University say radioactive strontium binds to the algin in brown seaweeds to create sodium alginate, a compound easily and harmlessly excreted. Common black tea exhibited the same anti-radiation effects in several Japanese studies.

~ In Fighting Radiation and Chemical Pollutants with Foods, Herbs, and Vitamins (Vitality, 1991), Steven Schecter tells us that both black and green tea showed "radioprotective effects" whether taken before or after exposure to radiation. Among other modes of operation, tea catechins absorb radioactive isotopes and remove them from the body before they do damage. The action is similar he says, to that of sodium alginate (the "active ingredient" in kelp seaweed).

~ Eating any amount of reishii (a mushroom) reduces damage from radiation.

~ St. Joan’s/John's wort oil protects my skin from radiation damage. I use it as my only sunscreen (and I am outside a lot) and find it not only immediately effective in preventing and treating sunburn, but even more protective with continuing use over years.

~ Burdock root (Arctium lappa) removes radioactive isotopes from the body. A dose is 1-4 ounces/300-120 grams of cooked fresh root, up to a pint of infusion daily, or several large spoonfuls of vinegar (but only if made with fresh roots).

~ Dried beans, especially lentils can reverse DNA damage done by radiation. So can red clover (Trifolium pratense) and astragalus (Astragalus membranaceous) - two powerful members of the legume (bean) family.

~ Homeopathic remedies can be taken before and after exposure to radiation: Plumbum (lead) is said to help those who feel overwhelmed and in need of protection. Belladonna is used to prevent and relieve radiation burns and pains - even long after the immediate exposure.


~ Selenium protects DNA from radiation damage and helps prevent damage to the skin surface, too. Get plenty of selenium by eating a daily dose of 2 cups/500 ml of nettle infusion, one-half ounce/15 g kelp, 2 ounces/60 g cooked burdock root, or 1 cup/250 ml organic yogurt daily. Shellfish, green and black teas, and garlic contain significant amounts of selenium, as do many mushrooms. The best sources however are nettles (2200 mcg per 100 grams), kelp (1700 mcg/100 g), burdock (1400 mcg/100 g), catnip (Nepeta cataria), ginseng, Siberian ginseng, and astragalus.

~ In clinical trial with humans, those who took ginseng extract (Panax quinquefolium) for thirty days following exposure to radiation showed hastened recovery from injuries to their bone marrow, organs, skin, and blood cells according to Paul Bergner in The Healing Power of Ginseng, The Enlightened Person's Guide, Prima, 1996. He quotes Japanese researcher Dr M. Yonezawa as saying that "ginseng appears to be the most useful agent available for protection against radiation damage."

~ It’s important to keep yourself well nourished if you are exposed to radiation. Make it a habit to drink at least two big cups of nourishing herbal infusion daily. Nettles, red clover, and violet leaves supply generous amounts of the nutrients you need most: protein and minerals, especially potassium and zinc.


For best results, do not use capsules of the herbs mentioned in this article. Instead, cook with them (kelp, astragalus, Siberian ginseng, ginseng, reishii, and burdock), brew nourishing herbal infusions with them (nettles, red clover, astragalus, burdock, catnip, and ginseng), make mineral-rich vinegars with them (nettles, burdock, catnip, ginseng, and astragalus), or take a high-quality non-standardized tincture of them (burdock, ginseng, Siberian ginseng, astragalus).

To make a nourishing herbal infusion:

~ Put one ounce of dried herb into a quart jar; fill jar to the top with boiling water and cap tightly.
~ Strain after 4-8 hours and drink hot or cold.
~ Refrigerate what you don't drink right away; drink that within a day.

To make a vinegar:

~ Fill any size jar with fresh herb (best!!) or one quarter full of dried herb (not nearly so good).
~ Pour room temperature apple cider vinegar over the herb, filling jar to the top.
~ Cover with plastic wrap or a cork.
~ Label with date and name of plant.
~ Let sit for six weeks.
~ Decant into a pretty bottle and use to season soups, beans, and salads.


This is the Wise Woman Way the world 'round. Take good care of yourselves. Green blessings to all.

Balance and NIMBY

These days, there’s been a lot of focus on the earth changes, nuclear crises, environmental disasters and the like. I have heard a lot of people saying things like, “relax, it won’t happen here”
Well, not to burst those folks’ bubble, but it can, it has and it will again.
Consider if you will:
October 16,1954, Hurricane Hazel floods the city of Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
81 people died and 1,868 families were left homeless
October 4, 1995, Hurricane Opal kills at least 59 people, knocks out power to over 2 million customers across eastern and southern North America
On July 18, and continuing for over one week, upwards of 50,000 people in Queens, and New York lost power due to excessive heat and dilapidated infrastructure. On July 21st, the Mayor of New York estimates that the number of people affected is actually closer to 100,000. an estimated 10,000 are still without power on July 24th.
June 23rd, 2010, a 5.0 strength earthquake hits Buckingham, Quebec, approximately 56 kilometers from Ottawa (the nation’s capital), lasts for 30 seconds and is felt as far away as Baltimore, Charleston and Halifax. Near the epicenter, telephone lines are knocked out, making Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media, the best way to communicate. Immediately afterwards, cellphone service is disrupted.
March 16th, 2011 an aftershock ranging anywhere from 3.7 to 4.3 hits Hawkesbury, Ontario (on the Ottawa river Valley) southwest of the initial magnitude 5.0 epicenter

Now, this is just a small section of a list of events that should make people sit up and take notice. The big power failure of Aug 14, 2003 was enough to make me take notice. The devastation in New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina was enough for me.
My local news has begun to report a shard of the truth when they run stories on food preservation and wastage, and local government greed and lies.
I try not to be extreme. I try to be balanced. But it’s difficult when I see local stories about a school board choosing not to spend an ear-marked fund as it was intended, but instead use it so they can have sick days.
I try to be balanced when I bring extra tinned goods home, but the rising cost of food almost prevents the very act!
I try to be balanced by shutting lights off if I don’t need them, going out foraging for wild food sources; but the urge to bolt for the hills is growing stronger.

This balance thing is a tricky dance!

No Fried Green Tomatoes Here!

My partner made an interesting comment the other day while we were discussing herbs, and indoor gardens and the plethora of survival info on the web. Not her exact words, but this is the gist of what she said...

It's all well and good that we grow this or that, but then what?

And that's a good question.

Above is a picture of our tomato seedlings. I was reading the other day about sprouts, and got curious if tomato sprouts could be eaten.

Apparently not; they're poisonous in this stage.

Mental note: no tomato sprout munching.

Okay, so they grow, and they get sliced and dried (even if they are cherry tomatoes), then what?

There is no point in putting a lot of energy into growing ones own food, and then taking steps to preserve it, if one won't eat what one has saved.

Even if the brown stuff DOESN'T hit the fan, all this saving and stashing is a good way to support our lean budgets. So again, it makes sense to stash what your family will eat. So, you've got some dried tomatoes...now what? Tomato sauce. Me being the geek I am, I went scouring the web to see if someone had already done this. I give you, ModernSurvivalBlog's recipe for dried tomato sauce...

• 1 typical size fresh garden tomato will result in about 6 slices, each about one-quarter inch thick – excluding the end pieces.
• 1 typical ‘can’ of diced-stewed tomatoes from the grocery store (my cans say 14.5 ounces) is equal to about 30 slices of tomato.

For example, when a recipe calls for 4 cans of diced tomatoes, I will substitute about 120 slices of dehydrated tomatoes.

Keep in mind that re-hydrating dehydrated tomatoes will not be as ‘pretty’ as the original, but, believe me, most of that original flavor will be there, just a bit mushy instead. For sauce, it doesn’t matter!

Modern Survival Blog recipe for tomato sauce, using dehydrated tomatoes

The sky’s the limit, go ahead and experiment!

• Dehydrated Tomato Slices (about 120), cut into smaller pieces, re-hydrate, strain – save 3 cups strained water for recipe add
• Water (3 cups)
• Tomato Paste (optional, thickness to taste, 3 cans… 6 oz. cans)
• Garlic (8 cloves – chopped)
• Onion (1 – chopped)
• Sugar (1/4 cup)
• Worcestershire Sauce (1/4 cup)
• Parsley (1/8 cup – dried, or 1/4 cup fresh chopped)
• Basil (2 tsp.)
• Oregano (1 tsp.)
• Sage (1 tsp.)
• Marjoram (1/2 tsp.)
• Salt (1/2 tsp.)
• Pepper (1/2 tsp.)
• Olive Oil (1 Tbsp.)

This tomato sauce recipe is good as it is, or you can add meat to it and enjoy just as well.

Tomato Sauce Recipe Instructions

After cutting the dehydrated tomato slices into smaller pieces, dump them all into a pot of water (cool or room temperature) to re-hydrate. Stir them up so they are all covered with water.

The tomatoes will be re-hydrated enough in 30 minutes. Then, strain the tomatoes. This gives the recipe a base-line of tomatoes to start with…

Then, add all ingredients into a pot, and slowly bring to a rolling boil at medium heat.

Then, lower heat to simmer for 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes, use a masher to mash the ingredients.

Then, taste test, and realize the magnificent flavor!

Add meat if you wish, then simmer until all flavors are blended, and any meat is cooked. This is typically about one hour on low heat.

If you had added tomato paste, you should use a covered pot. If not, then boil down to your liking.

Remember, you can’t go wrong. Use your own experimental judgment!

Hopefully this will encourage you to consider dehydrating your excess tomatoes during the summer growing season, which will greatly reward you during the winter months!

If you have a chance, please drop by Modern Survival Blog. It's always an interesting read.

I'm off to cheer on the seedlings... what have you done this week to prepare?

Coffee and The Mighty Dandelion

This past week, we were warned that food prices were going up again. Now, some of you might have been warned weeks or months ago, but just this week, someone said the C-word.

That's right... COFFEE

My coffee prices are going up! AUGH!

*breathes deeply*

Ok, I'm in control again.

So this shock led me to starting not only stashing coffee before it goes up to $10 for 2 pounds of the stuff, but also looking into finding an "extender" that won't taste gross. Of course, that will require actual scientific experimentation.

The first step is to look into historical replacements.

Chicory comes to mind, it's been used as a coffee substitute on a commercial scale since 1970, but probably long before that. I've not tried it, but I'm sure I've seen chicory plants in our neighborhood.

Dandelion root is supposed to be tolerable. It's enjoyed a long life, mentioned first in Harper's Magazine back in 1886. In 1919, it was widely talked about as a cheap substitute for coffee. After harvesting, chopping, roasting and grinding, it's said to be a passable and tasty alternative, and as an added boost, it's good for your liver too!

I think this may be the first thing I'll try, especially since I want to harvest dandelions this year for so much else.

So many people think of the poor dandelion as just a noxious weed, but for the folks not allergic, it is so much more.

A great addition to almost anyone's diet, in so many different ways. We are getting good here at slipping in healthy food without the boys knowing; it's a little like a challenge.

The leaves are tender if harvested in early spring. They can be slipped into a salad, or boiled with spinach. These green darlings are higher in Vitamin A than carrots! They're loaded with iron, magnesium, zinc (good for alleviating cold symptoms), copper, selenium, Vitamin C, Vitamins A and K, and, I could go on and on, but suffice it to say this is a plant that we here plan on taking the MOST advantage of this year, from root to leaf and beyond!

In the meantime, I will continue to buy all the coffee I can while it's still $8 or cheaper for two pounds.

I'll let you know how my experiments go...just as soon as spring comes back!

A Shard of Our Three-Year Plan

When I told my mother we were going to move north, I picked her brain for tips and advice on moving such a distance with kids and dogs; since she's done it a few times. Among her advice was this gem, "Plan for this to take years." This is realistic advice because Betty is the one home most often, so logically, she would get the brunt of it. So I have been pondering what I can do. I like lists, but I know I'm a procrastinator. So this morning I decided to make a common sense list of things we can do bit-by-bit that will help reduce what we pack, as well as make it easier to live. (Think living simply) Because we are all packrats, we need to approach this in baby steps, otherwise we'll get rid of nothing and be right back where we started. So after putting our heads together, Betty and came up with the following list:

• reduce books and magazines we no longer read or use all of (why keep a whole magazine for one recipe? Copy out the recipe and pass the mag on to a doctor's office)
• reduce outgrown and no longer worn clothes
• clean out kitchen cupboards (think of that one cupboard that you stash little-used grocery items)
• make the pantry we've always wanted (this will also help us stock up on food better and regain control of those kitchen cupboards)
• clean off desks and reduce the amount of paper we keep (with an eye to my research notes and the fact that my freelance writing figures into our three year plan)
• learn the skills that will help us reduce our grocery bills, and thereby help us prepare for the coming food price hike, as well as the coming food shortage

Now, this might not seem like much to some, but to us, this is huge. I figure we can reduce our "stuff load" by quite a bit.

I admire those who can embrace simple living, all the while admitting it won't work for this family. But we can do these simple things. Less stuff to move equals easier cleaning, and possibly reduced allergies. Less stuff to move means a smaller truck to transport it in, and less of a carbon footprint.

Many perks, few drawbacks.

A New Direction

Teenagers are under an enormous amount of pressure to figure out what they want to do with their lives.

Some figure it out, many don't.

I was one of the ones who didn't.

Until now, in my VERY adult years.

A few conversations with a few close friends and family have led me to this point...the point that I know what I want to do.

Yes, I am over 35. Well over, but, oh well.

Yes, it will involve moving the family, but the planned move came before the decision that made my heart speed up.

This "clicks" for me. This feels as right as putting my socks on one foot at a time. This feels like what I am meant to do while I write.

This is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

This I can do up north; because being up north is important to me.

Because I need to be able to provide a future for my family. Because I want to be able to help my folks out. Because I want to be with them again. Because I miss green spaces and clean(er) air, because the city's not my home.

I need a place where my spirit can sing again.

This will put my feet on the path my soul has been pulling me toward.

From the Sault College website: The Park Operation Skills program is a one year certificate program to provide individuals with practical hands on skills in park operations including park maintenance, natural heritage education, natural resources law, plant and animal identification, outdoor navigation, field equipment certification and horticulture in a wide variety of park systems.

This will give me material to write with, so that I can write, and in the freelance market getting paid for my writing.

This will give me happiness, and peace, and teach our children that happiness and contentment can be found outside a video game.

This is the next phase of our lives, and a proper step in the next direction.

This will put my feet on the path my soul has been pulling me toward.

I can't wait!

I Dream of Radishes

It's a fine thing to dream and make plans, but it takes serious dedication see those plans through! I'm a procrastinator and a hoarder; so you can imagine how much I hate purging and getting ready to move. My desk is the most obvious spot to start. It alone has prompted friends to intervene. They mutter about crews of junk haulers as I steadfastly refuse to let anyone near it.

It's my mess I'll clean it.

I know it needs sorting, but the desk has been there a long time. This won't be easy.

One day at a time, one pile at a time, that's my plan. I know it'll take time, but we're planning on being here at least more 3-ish years. We want to clean out the front closet that only holds bags and outgrown winter wear, buy wire shelving and make that our pantry.

Then we'll have room to store preserves, and pickles, and gleaming jars of homegrown herbs. Not to mention that we'll be reducing the amount of stored "stuff" we don't use anymore. I'm hoping to have enough room underneath that we can put put our seasonal footwear and thereby help clean up the front hall.

There's a drawer in the dark wood dresser that needs gluing and nailing since it's nearly unusable now. I need to hit the hardware store this week for industrial strength glue.

The whole apartment needs a good coat of paint, but if we're only staying 3 years, why bother? It's not like I can paint it the colour I want anyway. Better to invest in the community garden that will feed us instead.

I dream of a garden ripe with peppers, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries, beans and peas, carrots and sage, basil and chives. I wouldn't mind trying my hand at collards too, just to see if I can. Radishes, onions and maybe early gherkin pickles too.

I can almost taste them now.

First though, to find the desk.

Explanations, Plans and Survival, Oh My!

My last blog update was a little vague I suppose. I was trying to avoid the "the sky is falling!" screaming message. I guess I avoided it too well, because a few of you were in the dark.

So, this time, I shall explain, and my apologies for not being clearer, sooner.

It is no longer an extremist viewpoint that our society is changing, evolving and failing in many ways. Society no longer helps those who need a hand up. Not our fellow man, not our government(on any level). It is as though, for the most part, we are turning our backs on each other.

There are still some that try their damndest, don't misunderstand me, but by and large, we are not the society we once were.

Hurricane Katrina, the day the Twin Towers were toppled, the overwhelming number of homeless and working poor, I could list signposts until my fingers fall off. My point is that our world is changing. Hurricane Katrina made it abundantly clear that we cannot rely on others for our survival. We alone must wake up and take stock of our own situations. Now, I know that the liklihood of my neighborhood being devastated by a major hurricane are slim, but we did have a big power failure not long ago. We could still cook, and well, but our neighbors could not say the same. What about those who only had electric can openers? We were eating quite well. Breakfast on the BBQ, pizza, fruit...we were comfortable.

But all this brought us to the question of what if it were a longer power outage? What if it were some other crises that crippled our city? Both the American and Canadian governments have emergency preparedness pages on the web, so I didn't think we were too extreme.

We decided that if our little apartment could not sustain us for an extended period of time, and that's not realistically going to happen, we would have to look at going somewhere we could survive.

Mom's house.

It's a choice that makes sense for a lot of reasons, but the only way to get there if we had to would be to walk.

We have no vehicle and we AREN'T leaving our dogs behind!

So yeah, we'd have to walk it. Hence what I called The Great Migration, after The Land Before Time kids movie.

So, shortly after that last post, my friend Debra and I were talking on the phone about where I'd like to be if I had no obstacles.

Mom's house. Okay, anywhere closer to her and Dad and my brother would be nice!

"So why not move back?" she asked me

Money, logistics and the kids were the answers that came to mind.

The kids turned out to be the easiest solutions. Sort of. Jimmy was much more cool with it than I thought he would. Shandon was in shock and I'm not sure, but I think he's hoping we'll change our minds. Braydon is the tough cookie. This is the only home he's ever known. He does not do change well. Even less well than me.

He is the one I worry about.

But, in the meantime...

We start making plans, we take small steps now, we save what we can now (which likely won't be much for awhile) and we inch our way toward our goal. Which is to move in 3-4 years. After I get my print journalism degree. Another usable skill set besides retail. After Shandon is done high school. After we have had some time to ease Braydon into the idea of a move.

In the meantime, we keep an eye on the job market and home rental situation in Sault Ste. Marie.

We build a stockpile of canned goods and hand-powered can openers, candles and other supplies; just in case the shit hits the fan. In the meantime, we learn the skills that will keep us warm, fed and somewhat more comfortable if we have to make the Great Migration. In the meantime, Mom has said that we can plant fruit trees and such on her land. Things that we can all benefit from, things that will take some time to get established.

Survival "huh" moment of the week:

Did you know you can use jute twine as tinder? Simply unspin it, and gently separate the threads. To keep them really waterproof, melt some candle stubs down to a liquid wax, soak the jute twine lengths, remove and let dry on newspaper. Good for camping trips when you want to have a fast, strong fire until the wood catches.

Baby Steps

Since my last entry, we here have made a few inroads on getting ready for, as we call it, "The Great Migration"

We decided to call it that so that we can ease the two younger boys into the idea of walking that far without alarming them. They'll be busy objecting to walking 788 K, or roughly 489 miles, which will take roughly 2 months to walk.

Barring big delays, sickness and other assorted crises.

(I'm tired already)

We figure the eldest boy will settle back into walking just fine, and B and I have always enjoyed walking, so no problem there once our bodies settle back into it.

This morning we were looking at routes, and we think we have a rough one laid out.

Over the past few days we've been looking at equipment and supplies and skills.

We've learned that we have a fire tinder quite close at hand , and in copious supply. (Yay for jute twine!) It's an easy enough thing to wax it too so we have dry tinder no matter what the weather. We have emergency candles. We have one wool blanket and a crank flashlight.

Not much for now.

But we have been scoping out camping supply companies, sports equipment supply houses; seeing what's available and what's frivolous. we've been talking about how to keeps spirits up when the boys realize their Game Boys will no longer work as they're used to. Games, books and so on. Honestly, we would miss our iPods. But apparently we may not need to miss them too much. As a friend pointed out, ebooks and the like can be charged now by solar power. which means, in theory, so could the iPods and Game Boys. So we've looked into solar power sources. It may all be a temporary band-aid, but if it gets the boys north in a happier state of mind, then I'll invest in it. We've been doing a lot of talking about how much water we all need. We've learned about on-the-go water purification and storage.

We figured out that we may even be able to take out bikes up, instead of walking. This would cut down greatly on our travel time. Of course this also means a change in cost of the migration, weight considerations and a myriad of other things. So we're still talking about that one.

But our guts are telling us we'll be walking.

Realistically, what B and I are talking about doing, is taking a day even at this time of year, just striking out and seeing how far we can walk, in winter boots, until a certain time of day, and then figure out how far we walked.

My thought is that if we do this experiment in winter, wearing boots, we might have a fair idea of how far the two youngest boys can walk. Remember too, we'll have two dogs with us as far as we know.

So we'll look at doing that soon.

For now though, it's time to head off to the job that will pay for all this.

More tomorrow!

The Times They Are A'Changin'

Anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time, knows I am not an "extreme" personality.

I do not think extremes are healthy; for anyone.

But I believe in being prepared. For anything.

Once in my lifetime, I knew people I thought were extremists. They talked about the changing times, they bought batteries by the dozen, canned tuna and soup by the cases. They had an elaborate system of organizing their food, oldest products eaten first, dated and so on. Nothing expired. They had medications and antibiotics stockpiled, they made sure they were located close to water, away from major cities...all "in case".

At the time, I thought they were going a little over the top.

Years went on, I moved on, made a family of my own.

Then I woke up one day to watch how the horror in a major, American city unfolded. I watched a vibrant, lively city suffer, weep, die and decay. As horrified as I was at that, I was not prepared for the news coverage that showed a dead body washing up against a fence, in the backwash of a news boat. I was not prepared for that at all. I thought then, and still believe today, that the news media should never have shown such an image.

That was someone's parent possibly, someone's cousin, someone's sibling, daughter or son. That was once a human being.

And shocked, appalled and stunned as I was; I did learn something from the entire situation.

No matter how advanced our society is, our civic structure, our government can not always help us.

Yes, Hurricane Katrina was years ago. August 29th, 2005 saw massive flooding, which resulted in massive loss of life. The blame was eventually laid on the doorstep of the US Army Corps, who were responsible for the building and maintenance of the levees and floodgates. 80% of the city flooded, and much of that stayed flooded for weeks. The hurricane caused 7 million gallons of oil to spill into the water. Part of the cleanup involved dumping floodwater into Lake Pontchartrain for 43 days. That water contained raw sewage, pesticides, heavy metals, and bacteria.

When the hurricane left the city on August 30th, the people who had survived became desperate. There was excessive looting as people began to do whatever was necessary to get food, water, baby food and diapers, pet food and anything they thought they needed. The city was not prepared. There was a sharp rise in violent crime; rape, home invasion and so forth. It is a part of government responsibility, at all levels, to be prepared for disaster of all kinds; man-made and environmental. Part of the tragedy of New Orleans came about because the varying levels of government suffered from poor communication. FEMA claimed to have supplied over 700,000 applicants with emergency housing, but only one-fifth of that was actually supplied. All levels of government were criticized for poor response, much of the criticism came from the Mayor and Governor of New Orleans. There were deaths days after the hurricane had blown itself out, from thirst, starvation, exhaustion and dismal hygiene. There was poor planning on a civic level, where buildings and relief centers were concerned.

The Louisiana Superdome was designed for an occupancy of 800, but 30,000 arrived seeking safety. The New Orleans Civic Center was not designed as an evacuation center at all, but 25,000 arrived seeking safety, food and water.

So, what did I learn from this?

I learned that no massive structure can offer safety from death by dehydration, hunger or un-sanitary conditions. No government can protect us properly from Mother Nature when she's pissed. Rarely will a neighbor sacrifice to save another, but it IS possible. I learned too that people, generally, have a herd mentality. I also learned that man will turn on their fellow man in order to survive, to a great degree.

I learned that, essentially, we are all in this for ourselves first. Then, when we are comfortable, warm, fed and safe, THEN we have a responsibility to help our fellow man.

Do you know how you would accomplish this?

Neither do I.

So as of last night, Betty and I started thinking in a logical way about our own state of preparedness. We started looking at what we know how to do, what supplies we already have and so on.

I know how to skin an animal, I know how to make a fire. I know, in theory, how to acquire safe drinking water, although I've not yet had to do it. Betty has a firm grip on the physical aspects of what we'll need to keep us alive and fed, and hydrated, and comfortable.

We face some challenges, to be sure. We will not be ready for quite some time. We have to plan and prepare; but do it all rationally and calmly without shrieking about the sky falling around our ears.

And we will.

Hang on to your hats and rainboots as I take you along for the ride in the days to come.

An Awakening

I find it ironic that the things that make me want to blog always seem to happen at work, hours away from when I actually can blog. By the time I reach my computer, the urge is gone, or forgotten, or I am over whatever irritated me in the first place. No, I can't write it down at work, customer service in a store demands attention. Ironic. Lately it's been those very same customers that irritate me.

What happened to the golden age of manners? When we were all taught to recite even the most basic "please" and "thank you"? Once, I would have told you those that are joined to their cell phone were the worst, but that's not true anymore. Now I think that manners have slipped away for the most part because of people's attitudes towards their fellow man.

People don't care ... most of them.

If they did, they would look for someone behind them before they allow a door to close. They would put the cell phone down to ask for whatever it is they need. They would say thank you for whatever service had just been provided for them.

Now, granted, if I have just sold you a pack of cigarettes or a lottery ticket, or even a small pack of gum, it may be no big deal to you; but time was when interaction equaled manners. I say thank you, when I really mean "thank you for coming to my store, instead of that other one down the street". When I see my customer on two crutches coming across the parking lot, and I know he's coming to get his cigarettes, I go and open the door for him if I don't have a lineup in front of me. Because I know he appreciates the help, and it's the right thing to do.

He thanks me, and I know he is thanking me for my attention, and caring enough about him to help.

If I saw him at the mall, and I did not know him from a stranger and I had nothing to gain from the experience, I would open the door for him and hold it anyway.

Because it's the right thing to do. Because it is my job as a human being to help whoever I can.

So please, when you go about your daily lives, getting your coffee, gas or a loaf of bread, please think about the most basic of interactions, and remember that you really can change the course of a person's day with a simple "thank you".

I think I've grown a bit since my last post. I say this not to be egotistical, but as a way of exploring recent developments.

I have always been a spiritual person, just not in an obvious way. Lately, things are changing a little for me, helping me grow.

I am more aware of Spirit, the Universe, the Great Spirit, the POWER, call it whatever you like. I am getting more in tune with the elements, little by little, and spending more time inside myself. I feel the need to go out into the trees, get in tune with my drum again, pray from the midst of a creek, sit by a fire and feed it with cedar boughs and meditate in the dirt. I feel the need to connect with Mother Earth, the Grandfathers and Grandmothers, the Sky Beings and all the inhabitants of my Spiritual world. They bring me peace, and the older I get, I find I seek out and crave their peace more often. At the same time, I am driven to learn about other ways, not to change my Spiritual world, but understand another's better.

I will not turn my back on Owl while I learn about the Goddess. Learning about the elemental aspect of Wicca will help me to understand the bigger picture and see how similar our ways really are.

Through all of this, I have come to understand that not all change is horrible. Sometimes it is necessary to cut away the old growth to make room for the new bright shoots of understanding.

Sometimes we must travel through lessons we would rather avoid, to learn the hard truths. The truths that make us better, stronger and more resilient.

I would rather have avoided all the lessons, heartache and pain that my ex plopped into my world; but I still believe that at some point, my soul chose this general path for my life in order to learn from the experience.

I have always believed in reincarnation, even though I do not remember ever distinctly being told about it. I have always believed that our souls chose a general path before being born into each body; so that the soul can learn from each life and take the experiences back to the great body. The ancient Celts believed in reincarnation, according to the writings of Julius Caesar. Native people all over the world believe in the ability of the soul to be born time and time again. and of course reincarnation figures heavily in the beliefs of Buddists, Scientologists, Hindus, and the list goes on and on.

And this morning, while walking the youngest son to school, the thought hits me.

That's why I finish so few knitting projects.

It is not about the completion of a project; it is more about the stillness that the project brings my soul.

I do not want the stillness to be replaced by the anxiety of starting a new project, so I fear the finish.

Carolyn

Meet The Neighbors: Rage and Hate

I have known for a long time that there was danger in letting people in. Start to care about someone, and you're done.

It's over.

Any time I have listened to my gut, it has served me well.

When I did not listen, I was in danger.

Twenty one years ago, I did not listen to my gut.

I guess I had not developed the self-preservation skills enough to listen.

I jumped without thinking first.

And in the past ten years that leap has come back to bite me in the ass so many times I wonder why I ever did it.

Why did I marry him?

Some four or five years ago, I was astounded by a phone call in which he admitted to a grievous, unfathomable, horrible crime. There was a hard period of comprehension, acceptance, and a long period of trying to help... for the boys sake.

I should have listened to my gut that was churning in anger and betrayal.

I didn't. I kept trying to help.

I should have listened when the nightmares came back.

I didn't. I tried to tell myself that I was teaching the boys how to be better human beings.

I should have listened when he became a familiar lump on my sofa.

I should have paid attention when he got comfortable enough to reach for the remote and channel hop as if he belonged on my sofa.

I didn't.

He did not move in. I may have been naive, but I was not stupid.

When he got a home on the other side of the city, it was a relief.

When he moved back to Toronto, I could breathe easier.

And then the mail came. And kept coming. And finally I hit a point where I stood up and said "No more!"

I opened a letter from our government on day to find that they thought he lived with me, because his mail came to my address.

So that was the beginning of a fight to prove he did not live with me, and the end of his maildrop.

Things were quiet and predictable for a number of years.

When we did not get child support for an entire month, we started looking for him.

My gut began to churn when I was forced to admit that he had either lost another job, or he had been arrested again.

But some part of me wanted to believe that he had learned the first time.

I should have listened to my twisting gut.

But no, we made calls, sent instant messages....and that was Wednesday.

The Thursday before, Betty's father died, and we had a hell of a week.

And now this past Thursday I got a long distance call from his brother. He who never calls me had reached out this time to tell me that the Genius had been arrested again.

My gut flipped and turned to water.

"Do you know why?" I asked

"No, just that he's been in jail a month or so."

Now, why would Genius 2.0 not ask his older brother why he was in jail? In the back of my mind, I know something was fishier than a herring cannery, but I didn't push.

Instead, at the urging of a friend, I went digging the next day.

He was result number three in Google.

My eyes skimmed over the info, his name, his age... oh my god, his email address, oh my god, there's his instant messages handle...and my forehead hit the desk.

He was caught in a sting designed to catch people like him.

This crime was worse. More immoral, more slimy, more intending, worse than his prior conviction.

I wanted to sob, not because I harbor any feelings, because I have nothing but hate in my heart for him. I wanted to sob because I didn't see this one coming.

I wanted to sob for my shildren, because this story is carried on every major southern Ontario newspaper, website and sex offender list known to every frightened parent.

He had already been in jail a month.

On the first day of his children's new school year, he was caught by the police who keep children safe from people like him.

Right then, I wanted to throw up.

I still do.

I have learned from this. I have learned I am still capable of hatred. Pure, black, oily, stinking, putrid hatred that sits in the bottom of my gut. It keeps company with my rage.

They are neighbors that I thought I had worked through, but I doubt now I will ever be rid of them. I hate knowing both Hatred and Rage. I think of them as squatters that I may never be rid of.

I can only hope that Hatred and Rage will eventually be scorched by my new friends Hope and Love.

I have made new friends that accept me as I am; hatred, rage and all.

They don't know what a big step it was to open myself up again.

I can only hope that through this window I've opened again, only light and goodness come through.

Because I don't know if I can live with these oily squatters for the rest of my life.

Growth and Stagnation

Intentions.... No matter how hard I try to keep up with this blog, there is always a period when it gets away from me.

Ah well, here we are.

Where to start....

Since January there has been a lot happen, and not much happen, all at the same time.

I have knitted a bit. Trying to get the "Ocean" socks done for Boo, and I don't think he's going to fit them by fall, when he'll need them. At times like this, it astounds me how fast he's growing. I know I knit slowly but...! So Betty has suggested that I just finish them and donate them in the fall along with the hats, scarves and mitts I may have completed by then too. Unless I start a scarf soon, just for bus knitting, these socks may take everything I have. I have so many projects I'd like to do, knitting I mean, but I'll never get them done by fall, or even the beginning of winter.

Second Life is too ....intriguing. It calls to me, it sucks me in. It's hard to resist it's Siren's call.

Writing...

I have been getting some done. A couple of poems of the mystical sort. I've started a fiction piece, we'll see where that goes. I've started a friend's biography, not sure how far I'll get on that. I'd really love to get back to the "smart house" book, no idea where that time will come from.

I've gotten back into meditating too. That's going well. Found some music that helps and brings on the strangest feelings and visions....

Second Life...

I've made some interesting friendships in the past few months, solidified some friendships and let a few go their own way. Although I must say, it's been a hard lesson to learn that not everyone who starts off close will stay that way.

Growth...comfort...inner peace...drive...contentment...curiosity...ambition...service.

Yes, it's been an interesting few months.

The Secret Lives of UFO's. (Part 1)

It's a good thing that I don't rely on Wikipedia for a whole lot of knowledge. Because it hasn't got much to say on the subject of scarves.

A scarf is a piece of fabric worn on or near the head or around the neck for warmth, cleanliness, fashion or forreligious reasons. They can come in a variety of differentcolors.

That leaves so much unsaid.

Like how useful a scarf is, how it can either be a piece of garbage if made from the wrong yarn, or perfect if made in the right colour and from the most perfect yarn.

It also doesn't tell me why I love to knit them. I love to pick the right colour, depending on the recipient. I love to peruse stitch encyclopedias, looking for just the right combination of knits and purls that I can work on the bus. I love having scarves as a mindless project I can work on as the mood suits me. I love knowing I can change someone's life by knitting a scarf, as I try to do every winter , with knitting for my local homeless.

Why then has this poor scarf sat for so long?

Well, that's a good question.

It's a nice scarf, this photo doesn't do it justice. It is mint green, light blue and white variegated yarn, so soft that you just want to rub it on your cheek. I think of this one as "Sea Waves".

It's for Betty, who I know will use it and love it. It is knit on larger needles so she will have a lighter weight scarf that will tie easily, needles that are supposed to help me finish quickly.

Why then does it only see the light of day when I take it along to work?

I am trying very hard to finish it.

Push me.

Please.

Fantasy Follies Getting Closer!!

Good morning!

Today I want to wax poetic about my magazine. Okay, maybe not poetic, but I wanted to share these snapshots I took of our Fantasy Follies office, now that it's done. The one to the left is me toiling away by candlelight, I know you can't really see me, but trust me, that mass of black hair is me. Well, my avatar anyway.

Here's a better one of me. I think I was working on the Editor's note. It's a nice desk. A "partner's desk"

design, made of warm woods, with working drawers and everything. Not sure if you can make out the plate of gingerbread cookies and steaming mug of coffee there in front of me. On Chate's side of the desk is a goblet of eggnog. I think she'll like that when she gets back in-world.

Swinging around, I took a shot of our seating area. Also well stocked with cookies. Can you tell I like cookies? This furniture was made by my in-world partner, Fiona, with the exception of the large round table. That was made by Dalimar. You can't see the five or six ferns, or the cool printing press our friend and business partner Aly made. The sim of Elf Harbour is massive. There is a nautical theme, complete with a swamp, docks, a harbour masters house, a variety of monkeys scattered about and a sharp-toothed alligator.

Anyway, back to the magazine. At first, I wanted to release it Jan 1st. But that's not going to be possible. Most of my "help" has had to pull back, because of the holidays and health issues; so I'm on my own for a little while. This is going to affect how much gets done and likewise, when it gets done. In the next couple of days, I need to finish up two articles and prep two fiction pieces; one by Chate and one by Meadow. I also need to get the script to give the mag and prep the distribution box, drop a note to the owner of the magazine shop that will be carrying it, as well as the other folks I'd like to see house the boxes, finalize the contest, come up with a release announcement, finalize the ad rates, and last but not least figure out the damn printing press.... damn... maybe a Feb 1 release is more likely. Betty warned me that I might have to publish bi-monthly while I'm my only staff.

Sigh. Enough from me for now. Back to work!

Holiday Cheer!

Hello there!

How was your holidays?

It seems we had a whole lot of build up here as well as lots of happiness.

I was worried this Christmas would be disappointing to the boys; with money being so tight around here since I stepped down at work. Their lists were shorter than previous years, but still.

I had far too little sleep, only getting about 4 or 5 hours a night, but in the end... it turned out all right. Jimmy ended up walking across town to be home in time for Christmas morning, which was so touching I got all choked up. He actually woke me up, not the two youngest!

Despite the fact that the gift pile was smaller and not so spread out this year, they did alright. They each got at least one thing off their list, so it wasn't a complete failure. But I did learn the value of sticking to my plan of getting one gift per month, instead of all at once. No, that's not what we did this year, but that was my plan.

We had lots of food, we were all together and the boys, all three of them, seemed happy with what they got.

Yep, it could have been worse.

Second Life has been busy, what with holiday dances and whatnot. The picture up top was a small corner of the Bubbling Cauldron from last night's Victorian Ball. Betty and I decorated, according to the "vision" I had. I hosted and she was the Guide, joining two more folks to the Charn family. There has been my birthday party, the Yule ball, dances on top of dances...you get the idea.

And soon, on Jan 2 as a matter of fact, will be the Grand Re-Opening of Elf Harbour. Our friend and business partner, Aly, bought the sim and has done a lot of hard work to make it a memorable RP sim, over which our shop floats at something like 3000 meteres above "ground" level. Our store is huge. Absofragginhuge! On the ground, she has a swamp like area, a lighthouse, docks and other elements that make it seem more like the harbour it was always supposed to be. There are swampy trees, an alligator and a variety of monkeys hidden all over the sim. She even has a Harbour Masters house, a Main Hall and a couple of smaller buildings that I think she might rent out. All of the buildings look like something straight out of Rivendell in LOTR! They truly are stunning. In the main hall, on the main floor, there is a pub, complete with guard beagle, Talitha, where one can sit and have a drink. (Yes, we really hold the drink and have the action). There is a dance ball and a wickedly brilliant anchor chandelier. Upstairs, Aly has taken one wing for her office, and I have taken the other wing for my Fantasy Follies office.

This photo does not do it justice. It doesn't convey the calm classiness the room has, the movement of the potted ferns, it doesn't communicate how much I love this room. But it is where I like to go to work on the magazine. Aly has some great music in the stream, very calming. Which is good, because sometimes it drives me crazy! Especially trying to get content from iPages into Gimp, so I can save ads and stories as a texture, otherwise SL won't upload it. Stupid, I know. But we work with what we have. I wanted to get the magazine done for Jan 1, but I don't think that's going to happen now. The holidays have been too busy and I'm doing a lot of it myself. I need to find someone that can take the text and pages and put them into the format I need, then send it back to me; because that's where all my time is being taken up. Betty is right, unless I find some reliable help, I'm only going to be able to put the mag out bi-monthly.

Ah well, whining to you isn't getting it done any faster.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Six Days To Go!

Hello again, my friends! I assume someone is out there reading this.

Geez, I hope you are, or I'm doing all this for nothing!

On the assumption you ARE out there, how was your week?

It was an interesting one here at Casa de Taleweaver. Not work, it's bloody boring. But the moments in between were interesting. Our youngest son had his Christmas Concert, and he even put on a tie this year. He still has a problem with stage fright, but at least he was doing the actions and trying to sing along with his classmates. It went okay, all things considered.

We have a real Christmas tree this year; a fir. We aren't sure if I'm allergic to it, or if I'm allergic to all the cleaning we've been doing lately. (My vote is on the cleaning) Anyway, it's a very nice tree; balanced and full... and still not decorated except for the garland and lights.

The boys have my old computer in their room now, so the tree is the last thing on their minds.

I guess we'll be decorating tonight.

Things in SL are never boring either. Last night we attended the Charn Yule Ball. It was delightful, held outside and surrounded by silvery white trees and snow. Our good friend Azlyn DJ'd the dance, and she played some pretty great tunes. Quite a lot of our friends were there, all dressed in their formal finery. I know there were a lot of pictures taken. I'll share them when I get them. Oh! Speaking of pictures! We had ours taken with Santa last night as

well. Again, I'll share 'em when I get them. Our dear sister/friend Chate got family photos done for Christmas this year. Let me see if I can find one...

There!

Nice, isn't it? From left to right, Jita (Chate's daughter), me, Chate, Dalimar and Fiona (aka Betty in real life). Azavi Studios always does a great job! High fives to Kavi and Azlyn!

Our little family is going to be doing our gift exchange tomorrow evening, and I'm looking forward to it. Not for the gifts, but because we cannot always seem to get together when we'd like. It will be nice to just sit and catch up and relax.

On the knitting scene this week, It has become glaringly apparent that I need to get knitting socks and mitts. The boys are outgrowing socks faster than I can make them. I have a few socks scattered around the house in various states of completion, for various people that I have decided I am going to finish. So many things I want to do, so little time!

Hmm, maybe if I ask for a cloning machine, like Homer got in the Simpsons that one episode...

Then again, all my clones would want the computer to get on Second Life too...hmm...maybe clones isn't that great an idea.

Pass The Hot Chocolate!

Pass the Hot Chocolate!

It's winter! (No. Not in the picture over there <---)

Most of our province has some snow at least, some have 80 cm or more. We all have cold, Northern winds that freeze to the bone! Some parts of the country are under a cold snap so intense, the authorities are advising not to let pets out unsupervised.

What do Canadians do when it's too cold to play outside? We go inside!

Betty and I escape to Second Life. We've moved to Kymmer and no longer own land in Charn. Originally, it was mostly a financial decision. But as we've distanced ourselves from Charn, we've learned of some political issues there that we aren't thrilled with. Well, we're all entitled to our differences in opinion, so we sat back and re-thought our priorities. What did we want to do with our time in SL? What was fun, what pissed us off? Our friend and business partner once said "SL is supposed to be fun", and I have hung on to that, adding, "If it's not fun, it's time to change things" So we did. We moved, again, but this time to Kymmer, a sim owned and created by our friend and brother, Dal. (He's the dark, demonic looking fella in the picture) Betty now has her beach, which I have fallen in love with. We have the EXACT same house that was in the show Charmed. We now have horses. We have so much room to play in, and a workshop to build in that is simply IMMENSE! I cannot gush about Kymmer enough.

Dal has come a long way since we first met him, and he and I have had many conversations that are always enlightening in one way or another. I can't believe I'm saying this, because I swore I'd not move again, but I'm glad we moved.

So now I've taken on another project. I was bemoaning the lack of a good fantasy oriented magazine within SL one day when Betty said, "Then just make one yourself"

So I did.

There are many in-world magazines in Second Life, but as in real life, that doesn't mean they're all good. I have discovered a bit about myself in the process of creating the first issue. Apparently I have high standards, and apparently I really enjoy

becoming a magazine editor and publisher. So, the magazine is called

Fantasy Follies. Yep, that's the logo over there.

It's my hope that we will shine the spotlight on some of the best fantasy related items, performers, builders, places to live, shop and play. There's a wide range of things waiting to be written about, because everyone's idea of fantasy can be so different. Obviously, anything looking like anything LOTR is fair game, as well as high fantasy, low fantasy and, wait, what's low fantasy you ask?

According to Wikipedia, "Low Fantasy is a sub-genre of Fantasy fiction in which the setting is the real world with the addition of fantastic elements. The word "low" is used to indicate the quantity of fantasy in a work and not the quality. The subgenre was created when overall fantasy genre split into high and low fantasy in the early twentieth century. Within the fantasy genre, low fantasy is the opposite of high fantasy, which takes place, partly or entirely, in a completely fictional setting.

But even that definition has boundaries that are always being pushed. Nothing is static, especially not in Second Life. There are Dwarves, Elves, and Hobbits of course. But there are also Furries (avatars that are animal like in appearance), Tinies (avatars that are half the size of most), and Dragons. Werewolves, Fairies (or Fae as they prefer to be called), Vampires and so many more. Most folks would say that none of those are real, unless you work for the National Enquirer. That makes them "fantasy" creatures. And therefore, fair game for Fantasy Follies.

So I've got a lot to write about! I already have a staff, and some are proving to be more reliable than others, so I'm learning here too as we go along.

Knitting ? Heh, none lately. Terrible I know. It's winter, the season of my guilt-knitting when I drag out the projects that have languished for months, forgotten until the thermometer says IT'S COLD LADY!

I was going to pick up one of those projects last night, but was surprised by the traditional Christmas concert instead. So with three hours notice, I bundled up Shandon and myself, and off we went to his Christmas concert. This year, he played the trumpet in Jazz Band, and did a wonderful job! I got all of three pictures, all of which I am frustrated to say turned out too dark and grainy to share with anyone. Even my parents! For some reason, the school turned their lights down. And my flash only bounced off the big heads of the tall people in front of me.

Sigh

Well, maybe he can bring the trumpet home and I'll get a video to share...that would work.

Till next time!